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Entering
a World of Play: An Oral Life History
Martin
J. Downing Jr
Environmental
Psychology Subprogram
City
University of New York
This paper draws on an oral history to examine cultural forms and
practices that have contributed to one’s ability to cope and live with
AIDS. For L.R., life can be divided into three phases, which is not
uncommon for people living with HIV or AIDS. The first phase of his life
includes all history, beliefs, and behavior leading up to and contributing
to becoming HIV-positive. Then there is his critical phase, consumed with
self-destructing behavior, between diagnosis and the realization that he
could live with this disease. Finally, determination sets in and a new
life is born filled with love, friendship, culture, and resistance to
death.
Through this oral history it is the intention of L.R. and the author to
express the importance of life while enduring what has come to be known as
one of the most extreme medical conditions. As a theatre major in college,
L.R. was able to delve into a world of play and experience emotions,
practices, and images representative of different times or places. But
when the curtain closed he was brought back to the reality of everyday
life which included the death of a once long-term partner by AIDS.
It was 1986, and being the conscientious tester that he was, L.R.
sensed the urgency of getting yet another HIV test. This time he was not
so lucky. It took just four more years to receive the devastating news
that he had full-blown AIDS. Upon witnessing the deaths of many friends,
acquaintances, and loved ones from this disease, L.R. knew that his time
would be up soon. Moving into the critical phase, he now spent most of his
time immersed in the cultural practices that have for so long stereotyped
the gay male community (e.g. frequenting clubs and bars, consuming alcohol
and illegal substances). It was not until a few years later, through which
he had managed to survive, that L.R. decided to start living again. One
need only look to his “Broadway wall” full of awards, plaques, and
show posters to understand the strength and desire to live that emerged
within him.
While still physically capable, he traveled all over acting in small
theatre productions and performing female impersonation. Now in his
fifties and a long-term survivor of AIDS, L.R. takes sixty pills a day and
uses a motorized wheelchair which he calls his “scooter” as his
primary means of transportation. His health prohibits him from acting so
he has immersed himself in theatre production, including script writing.
As house manager for a neighborhood playhouse, he continues to be
expressive in the art he truly loves and that which he says gives his life
purpose. After meeting L.R. and hearing his remarkable story, I stand in
awe at his determination to restart his life. By exploring his life in
context I can begin to make sense of the psychosocial effects and coping
responses that surface from such a serious illness as well as the roles
that cultural practices play in each phase of life. |
