What does it mean to be a mother?
Sarah Duncan
St. Francis Xavier University
Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada
What does it mean to be a mother? This is not my story. It is not from my memory. I share this diary only as an observer at most on the periphery of this story. And yet, this memoir has lived a silent life, casting it’s shadow not only on the child and woman who wrote it, but on myself, my sister, and most importantly on my niece – the most recent, and perhaps the last, in a matrilineal line born of loss. The year is 1942 and my grandmother lies encased, literally, in a body cast; a war-era attempt at stabilizing her body ravaged by breast cancer that had metastasized into her bones. She dies from cancer on September 28, the day after her 48th birthday. My mother was only 8 yrs old and today, at age 72 she finally reflects on those pivotal 8 yrs that shaped her entire life, her self image, her role as a woman, daughter, wife, and most importantly, mother.
At age 72, my mother finally realizes the life-altering impact of this event. At age 8, my mother’s development as a woman essentially stopped. Her identity became fossilized at that moment. But this isn’t just a story about a child losing her mother at such a young age, tragic as that was. No, this story continues on, weaving its legacy through three more generations. This presentation will focus largely on diary entries of the main character in the unfolding drama, a now 72 yr old woman, some in her own voice and some from the observations of her daughter, the presenter.
While many memories became family lore, the loss was only ever intellectualized and the true grief almost never spoken. The critical incident that brought the grief to the surface is the birth of her first granddaughter. This event was the catalyst that required this woman to relive her first 8 yrs of life, remember, and restory her relationship with her dead mother, her daughters, and her male and now female grandchildren. How does one mother when one never had a mother to watch and model? What impact does that have on the children and grandchildren of the motherless daughter? What role does gender play in this sweeping tale of loss and how does one family heal from a death so long ago? These are the questions this paper and presentation hopes to highlight.
About Sarah Duncan
Sarah Duncan is a self-directed Masters of Adult Education candidate through St. Francis Xavier University in Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada. For over 15 yrs, Ms. Duncan has worked in the educational field as an editor, producer of multimedia CD-ROMS, Learning Designer and, most recently, Community College Professor. She possesses a Masters of Education in Curriculum Design from the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education at the University of Toronto.In addition to her M.Ad.Ed. studies, she is pursuing training to become a Parent Coach. Ms. Duncan lives and teaches in Peterborough Ontario where she parents her two young sons.